I’m going to be honest with you here, I’ve been really down lately. I know these past few years I’ve really struggled with being happy. I’m usually a happy person, but there always seems to be something looming in the darkness. Sometimes I forget about it, sometimes I put it away, but know it’s still there, and sometimes it just makes me feel really bad.
This is something I wonder if I should seek help for. I like to tell myself that it’s just a phase, there’s been a lot of stress, but even then, I should still talk to someone. Right?
Either way, I think this is why I find it so hard to write and make videos, apart from a few other reasons which are unrelated to this thing I seem to be carrying around with me.
The worst part of this is seeing all the horrible stuff going on in the world. People are honestly dicks. I know, I know. I’m supposed to be all yoga, love each other, wonderful hippy love. That’s just not happening lately. The happy hippy juices are not flowing, and I think they’re being blocked by all this hatred, anger, and stress in the world.
Tonight is just one of those nights where I feel like no one else feels like this too. I don’t even want to hear about the horrible things happening in the world. I can’t talk about it anymore. I’m spent. I have no more fight in me. I can’t be alone in this though. Someone else has to feel like this, but all my other friends seem to still have fight left. They still want to talk about whatever upsetting topic has sprung up today. And I simply can’t.
And these topics get to me too. It’s not that I’m tired of hearing about it happen, this stuff scares me. I don’t even live in a place like Syria, and the world scares me. And no, I will not “think about how much better I have it” because no one should ever feel like their feelings are trivial and small. I’m thankful I live in a place where I probably will never have a bomb dropped on my house, but that doesn’t mean I’m not scared, because I am. I’m scared, and upset, and angry, and stressed.
But mostly tired.