A Single Coyote

I could hear a single coyote howling earlier. I felt like finding him and saying, “I feel you, dude.” That whole desperate cry in to the vast expanse of space. Of course, little buddy was probably saying, “I’m hungry” or “I’m horny” or “This is my piece of land”, but this is why we don’t take metaphors literally.

One of my biggest problems with feeling like this, is all this speculation. I really want to know what’s wrong with me. Beyond feeling…well…poopy… I have this horrendous PMS I’d really like to figure out, and I have to put it off right now, so moving is really inconvenient for me at the moment. Like, REALLY inconvenient. I decided to wait until I get to Colorado to go to a doctor again and figure all this out, but now I’m sitting here like, “Do I have depression? Do I have endometriosis? PMDD? AM I DYING?!” (Note: I’m not dying.)

So on top of being stressed out by all these possibilities, it’s also scary to think about moving while I could have bigger problems. Like, what if I do suffer from depression? Maybe it is actually a bad idea to move. Or if it is something else and I need to get treatment, or putting it off is allowing it to progress farther like endometriosis building up or whatever it does.

I also just wonder if I’m sort of an emotional train wreck.

Is that a thing? I don’t think it’s really a thing.

With all that being said, I think this is the first time by post’s title has been better than the post itself! Pretty impressive since that’s usually the hardest part for me, but I’m totally fine with that.


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